In our study of the last two weeks about Jesus’ encounter with the rich young man (Matthew 19:16-22) and His teaching to His disciples afterwards, (Matthew 19:23-30 and 20:1-16 we learned that the rich young man including ourselves, must have Jesus as first priority in our lives as well as everything and everyone else who are in our lives.
In answering Peter’s comment “We have left everything to follow you! What then will there be for us?” (Matthew 19:27). Jesus said something that every believer or disciple of Christ can look forward to in the future. In verse 29 the second part of Jesus’ answer was, “And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life.” However, does this mean that a disciple of Christ must turn their back on their family? Was what Jesus said to the rich young man in verse 19a, “honor your father and mother…”, (Matthew 19:17b-19a) a contradiction to what He later told His disciples in verse 29?
Does Jesus teach us to disown our families if we are to follow Him? What does Jesus mean in Matthew 8:21-22 NLT by what He told the disciple who wanted to follow Him? “21 Another of his disciples said, “Lord, first let me return home and bury my father.”22 But Jesus told him, “Follow me now. Let the spiritually dead bury their own dead.” First of all, there is nothing in this verse that tells us that this disciple’s father was dead as some would assume. Kenneth Wuest in his Expanded Translation of the New Testament gives this translation of the verse. “But Jesus says to him, Start following with me as my disciple and continue to do so as a habit of life, and allow the dead to bury their own dead.” Warren Wiersbe also clarifies the meaning of this verse for us by stating the following, “Jesus was not asking the man to be disrespectful to his father (who was not yet dead), but to have the right priorities in life. It is better to preach the Gospel and give life to the spiritually dead than to wait for your father to die and bury him.”
Jesus speaking to the twelve apostles whom He just had chosen, (Matthew 10:1-42) makes this point that has two clear sides to it as we read in verses 32-33. “32 “Everyone who acknowledges me publicly here on earth, I will also acknowledge before my Father in heaven. 33 But everyone who denies me here on earth, I will also deny before my Father in heaven.”
What does “acknowledges me publicly here on earth” and “denies me here on earth” mean to us today as believers in Christ? Even as Christians we can deny Christ and who He is in many ways. Note the following synonyms for “denies”, repudiates, refutes, rejects, contradicts, disagrees. Are we denying, contradicting or disagreeing with who Christ is and His teachings by following the ways or philosophies of this world? Are we denying, rejecting or contradicting Christ by practicing and or putting our family traditions, beliefs, and or decisions that clearly go against what God’s word teaches, in first importance in our lives than the Biblical moral values we should live by?
Jesus clearly said in the following verses, John 14:15, “If you love me, you will obey what I command.” John 14:23-24, 23 Jesus replied, “If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. 24 He who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me.”
The apostle John also teaches us the same in 1 John 2:3-6, NLT, “3 And we can be sure that we know him if we obey his commandments. 4 If someone claims, “I know God,” but doesn’t obey God’s commandments, that person is a liar and is not living in the truth. 5 But those who obey God’s word truly show how completely they love him. That is how we know we are living in him. 6 Those who say they live in God should live their lives as Jesus did.” 1 John 2:15 NIV, “Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.” 1 John 5:2-3, NLT, “2 We know we love God’s children if we love God and obey his commandments. 3 Loving God means keeping his commandments, and his commandments are not burdensome.”
Some believers are frequently challenged with the decision to go along with the family way of thinking, speaking and doing things that are contrary to a life of being the believer in Christ. However, the Bible does not teach us to abandon or disown our families. Yes, we might face moments of conflict of values or morals that some family members believe to be correct. Jesus knew this when He said in Matthew 10:34-39 NLT 34 “Don’t imagine that I came to bring peace to the earth! I came not to bring peace, but a sword. 35 ‘I have come to set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. 36 Your enemies will be right in your own household!’ 37 “If you love your father or mother more than you love me, you are not worthy of being mine; or if you love your son or daughter more than me, you are not worthy of being mine. 38 If you refuse to take up your cross and follow me, you are not worthy of being mine. 39 If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it. The commentator Warren Wiersbe extensively explains these difficult to understand verses for us. Please note I have added words in parentheses to fit in the context of our topic.
“The only way a believer can escape (family) conflict is to deny Christ and compromise his witness, and this would be sin. Then the believer would be at war with God and with himself. We will be misunderstood and persecuted even by those who are the closest to us (family); yet we must not allow this to affect our witness. It is important that we suffer for Jesus’ sake, and for righteousness’ sake, and not because we ourselves are difficult to live with. There is a difference between the “offense of the cross” (Galatians 5:11) and offensive Christians.”
“Each believer must make the decision once and for all to love Christ supremely ( whit more importance than our family) and take up his cross and follow Christ. The love in Matthew 10:37 is the motive for the cross in Matthew 10:38. To “carry the cross” does not mean to wear a pin on our lapel or put a sticker on our automobile. It means to confess Christ and obey Him in spite of shame and suffering. It means to die to self daily. If the Lord went to a cross for us, the least we can do is carry a cross for Him (especially when we are with our family).”
“Matthew 10:39 presents us with only two alternatives: spare your life or sacrifice your life. There is no middle ground. If we protect our own interests (“denies me here on earth” by what we do and say), we will be losers; if we die to self and live for His interests (“acknowledges me publicly” by what de do and say), we will be winners. Since spiritual conflict is inevitable in this world, why not die to self and let Christ win the battle for us and in us? After all, the real war is inside selfishness versus sacrifice.”
Another verse that can easily be misunderstood by Christians is Luke 14:25-27. Jesus is not teaching us to “hate” our family including our spouses. Luke 14:25-27 NLT, “25 A large crowd was following Jesus. He turned around and said to them, 26 “If you want to be my disciple, you must hate everyone else by comparison—your father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even your own life. Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple. 27 And if you do not carry your own cross and follow me, you cannot be my disciple.” The Faith Life Study Bible gives us this clear explanation of this verse. “Jesus is using hyperbole—a figure of speech that relies on exaggeration to make a point. He is not encouraging His followers to turn against their family members; rather, He is explaining that even devotion to family does not supersede the call to discipleship. Jesus and God’s kingdom must come first in the life of a believer. The Fire Bible also gives us this explanation of this seemingly controversial verse. Jesus uses a hyperbole (i.e., a clear exaggeration expressed for greater effect) to make the point about loving him far above anything else. In this sense, the word “hate” means “love less”. Jesus demands that our loyalty to and love for him be greater than every other affection and attachment in life, including our own families.
The Bible never teaches us that Jesus disowned or turned His back on His own family. One of the most touching events in Jesus’ life that demonstrates His love for His mother was moments before His death on the cross. The apostle John who identifies himself in verse 26 as “the disciple he loved”, was the one Jesus gives the responsibility to care for His mother Mary. John 19:25-27 NLT, 25 Standing near the cross were Jesus’ mother, and his mother’s sister, Mary (the wife of Clopas), and Mary Magdalene. 26 When Jesus saw his mother standing there beside the disciple he loved, he said to her, “Dear woman, here is your son.” 27 And he said to this disciple, “Here is your mother.” And from then on this disciple took her into his home.
Jesus never rejected His family nor did His family reject Him. We clearly see this after Jesus’ ascension to heaven in Acts 1:14. 12 Then they returned to Jerusalem from the hill called the Mount of Olives, a Sabbath day’s walk from the city. 13 When they arrived, they went upstairs to the room where they were staying. Those present were Peter, John, James and Andrew; Philip and Thomas, Bartholomew and Matthew; James son of Alphaeus and Simon the Zealot, and Judas son of James. 14 They all joined together constantly in prayer, along with the women and Mary the mother of Jesus, and with his brothers.
If Jesus taught that we must “hate” or reject our families, His followers would have taught the same. On the contrary, the apostle Paul, teaching the Ephesian church, tells the families of the church the following. “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church…”, “In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.”, Ephesians 5:25,28. “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”-which is the first commandment with a promise—”that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”, Ephesians 6:1-3. “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”, Ephesians 6:4.
In contrast, even if we are ridiculed, rejected, offended and or emotionally wounded by some members of our families because of our relationship with God, we always should live our lives as Jesus taught and the apostle Paul told the congregation in Rome. Matthew 5:44-45 NLT, 44 But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! 45 In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. Romans 12:17-18 NLT, “17 Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. 18 Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.”
Pastor John
